Earmarked Cognition
by romeoharvey
Summary: An AU twist on what could've been a post ep for Lowdown. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Earmarked Cognition**

_Disclaimer: I don't own law and Order: Special Victims Unit_

_NOTE: This little fic takes a scene from Lowdown and goes AU. Written because I thought I'd be fun, and Legaspiweaver requested it. Some lines used are the same or very similar, but I have taken a few liberties with reactions and added lines to conform the scene to this work of fan fiction._

_: Earmarked Cognition :_

"I tested Jeff Yorka's blood. High viral load, when did you two date?", Melinda inquires, dreading Olivia's answer, but not being able to let the question go unasked.

"About five years ago. We only slept together once, and we used protection," the detective answers quickly, the last part coming off as more defensive than she had intended.

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Melinda says to her what she's sure Olivia already knows, "Condoms are effective, not perfect; it only takes once."

"I'm going to get tested, i just don't have the time," Olivia says as she searches her mind for a good excuse that the M.E. won't see through.

Decisively, Melinda orders more than asks, "Why don't we do it here, right now?"

Snapping her gaze up at her friend, Olivia allows a fraction of her irritation to show, "Melinda, I'll do it."

Steeling herself again Olivia's formidable anger, Melinda comforts herself with the knowledge that she also has a finely honed fighting streak, and that Olivia always gives in to what she wants. Covering the short distance between them in rapid strides, Melinda holds Olivia in her arms, asking in the most sensible tone she can manage, "Olivia, how many rape victims have you told to get tested?"

"All of them," Olivia answers, visibly deflating in Melinda's arms.

"Would you tell them it's alright to wait?", Melinda asks, lightly caressing the small of Olivia's back.

'Okay," Olivia finally relents, not even bothering to provide an answer to the question that was mostly metaphorical anyways.

A relieve smile graces her face as Melina leads Olivia to a chair, saying in her most businesslike and authoritative voice, "Sit down, roll up your sleeve. No paperwork, I'll do the test myself."

_: Earmarked Cognition :_

In her comfy cotton pajamas, Olivia raises her arms above her head, stretching out the stress of their latest case from aching muscles. As she lets her arms drop to her sides, the shrill scream of her phone keeps her from entering her bedroom. Sparing a longing glance to her bed, she shuffles slowing to the phone, hoping whomever it is will hang up before she gets there, justifying her desire by thinking, "_If it was from work they would have called the cell."_

Her wishes however, go unanswered. So she sighs and lifts up the machine to her ear, habitually introducing herself, "Benson."

For a long moment, there is silence on the other end, but before Olivia can speak again, she hears a familiar voice, surprisingly conflicted, "Olivia? It's Melinda."

Distantly she wonders how Melinda got her home number, but pushes the thought away; if Melinda chose to call her now instead of waiting until they run into each other again, it has to be something important. With that in mind, Olivia asks worriedly, "Melinda, is everything all right over there?"

On the other end Melinda needlessly clears her throat. Having found the courage to call Olivia up, she's now frightened of doing this over the phone. Then the thought strikes her that she can go over to Olivia's apartment.

"Melinda?", comes Olivia's voice again, now with a frantic tinge to it. "Honey, what's wrong?"

Cursing herself for bringing the tone of dread in the detective's voice, Melinda quickly asks, "Olivia, do you mind if I come over? To your place?"

Exhausted, but now wondering what's up with Melinda, Olivia says, "Of course I don't mind, I'll be waiting."

"Great," is all Melinda says as she hangs up.

Setting the phone down on her end as well, Olivia drifts towards the kitchen. Taking out the last of the coffee she never remembers to buy more of, she shoots a forlorn glance at her busted coffee maker. Pulling out a rarely used pot, she fills it with the freezing water from the tap and lays it on the stove while sprinkling the finely ground specs in. Turning the flame on at medium, Olivia thinks the coffee should be done just as Melinda arrives.

Returning to her living room, she reclines in her not-so-comfortable-anymore couch. Lazily reaching for the remote, Olivia powers on her thirteen inch television, contemplating after surfing all five channels if she should finally give in and put in an order with the cable company after all. Landing on a channel that isn't static, she shoves that thought in along with all the other things she probably should do, but probably never will.

A while later, she's nodding off, but is drawn back to reality by the firm knocks at the front door. Sitting up, she shakes off the grogginess threatening to engulf her. Shuffling to it, Olivia unlocks the entrance, after peeking through the small and blurry window to verify that it is indeed her friend on the other side.

Melinda steps in, closing the door behind her, giving off an aura of unease. Before Olivia can speak, Melinda loses all the gentle lines she had struggled to come up with on the drive over. Instead, she fires out, 'Olivia, you tested positive."


	2. Chapter 2

**Earmarked Cognition**

**Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer:** I do not now, nor ever will own the rights to Law and Order: SVU. This is just something to pass the time and cause pain to the characters I adore so much.

**NOTE:** This took me a while to write, but here it is. Short, but I promise the next chapter will be longer if anyone's still interested. Warning: this has strong EO friendship, but the ultimate pairing of this could go into femslash, or have none at all. Oh, and the italics are thoughts that aren't said out loud, in case anyone's wondering. Reviews very welcomed.

Imagining a choking onyx void where there should be lovely lazuline heavens dotted with serene white clouds, Olivia shakes her head and leans into the side of the SUV, marveling at how a few words can take away the normal colors and sounds of the world. Her out look of the world in general had never been the most optimistic, but she'd never before felt this kind of dread, this particular lack of control over herself. And nothing has really changed at all; Jeff was years ago, which means she's had this... thing for years. _just didn't know before_ That's the only difference, she tells herself.

But this morning in the shower she couldn't help but look her body more closely than usual and try to find any outward signs of the thing that she won't name _that Melinda couldn't even name last night without nearly gagging on the words_ that will at the very best only shorten her lifespan..., and she won't- can't think about the worst. Not yet. She thinks the most important of Melinda's quiet and somber words to her last night had been 'latent'. Obviously it is, as she hasn't experienced any of the symptoms that would have marked an active virus in her body, but that thought, and the bit of relief that it carried, had come only when Melinda had said the word.

Any further introspection of the past hours _feels more like years_ is halted by Elliot's playful knock on her shoulder. "Hey, you zoning out on me again? Third time today, a guy gets to thinking that maybe you don't want him around."

Her partners' grin is infectious, and Olivia finds herself even smirking slightly as she echoes his friendly punch and reaches for the subs cradled in his arms. "I will always want you around Elliot... _always need you_."

"Especially when you have lunch," She adds to take away the disgustingly sappy feel her words and expression had created.

Climbing back into the comfortably sun warmed SUV, Olivia recalls the speech Melinda gave her about _friends who will needlessly suffer and worry and over her_ caring friends who will support her, and looking across to Elliot, Olivia thinks now that... _he's too close and he'll hurt the most, and she won't stand for that_ they're too swamped for her to throw this on him today.

The drive back to the precinct is uneventful, with Elliot chattering on about Kathy and kids and what they've been up to. There was a time Olivia would have felt a hint of jealousy and annoyance when Elliot bought them up, but after considerable nights awake examining those feelings, she realized that yes, she does love Elliot very much, but not in the sense that she wants to take Kathy's place. Now all she feels is _a stinging loss for what can never be hers_ happiness for Elliot, and relief that is anything should happen to her, he'd still have the love of his family to draw strength from.

Still listening to Elliot, and inserting nods in the appropriate places, the pair make it out of the car and to their opposing desks to drown in new case files while taking absently taking bites from their own subs. They've both been silent for a stretch of time, which Olivia glances at the clock to identify as three hours, when she feels Elliot staring at her. It's not an all that uncomfortable feeling _not coming from him_ but eventually a shiver of unease creeps up her spine as she thinks that somehow he **knows**.

Deciding to take this head on, Olivia sets down the pen that had been busily underlining and adding notes, and she looks across at her partner to witness the slight flush of his cheeks when he realizes he's been caught. To his credit thought, Elliot doesn't try to deny it, instead he asks the question that's been buzzing about his head ever since he got the strangest feeling last night, sort of like when Maureen fell down from the swing her first day at pre-school and his knee hurt but he couldn't identify where exactly the pain was coming from. "Liv, is everything all right? With you?"

Asked with such caring and _is that fear?_ concern, Olivia almost feels guilt overtake her for not calling Elliot right away, but not quite, because he's _not her husband_ just her partner, but he's the closet she has to family. And yes, her life is her own, but he deserves to know something that could _take her away from him_ have an impact on him.

Taking a preparing breath, Olivia looks just above Elliot's eyes, and lies, "Of course every thing's alright with me. Whatever made you think it isn't?"

The last is said with an innocent, confused expression, and Elliot feels too dumb to mention the flash of nearly felt pain, so he just nods and gets back to work. ...And tells himself he just imagined the sadness floating in his partners eyes.


End file.
